


Frozen Assets

by MechanicalRhythm



Category: Wandersong (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Mild Blood, Mostly Crack (i hate that term but thats what it is)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 13:30:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16703533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MechanicalRhythm/pseuds/MechanicalRhythm
Summary: Miriam wants to make quick cash, so she uses dark magic, because why not.





	Frozen Assets

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a dumb warm up but then i kept going and actually finished it so i guess just take it
> 
> (The bard's name is Emot because it's my sleepover)

Delphi has seen its first snowfall of the winter. Miriam waddles out of the cave connecting the town to her grandmother’s home, wearing a double layer of everything: two purple coats, two black gloves a beanie over earmuffs and a thick red scarf that covered her mouth. Her skin is sensitive to the cold, but she’s also just a baby.

Emot was waiting for Miriam on the hill past the Crazy Raven. Before she makes the final trek, she decides to take refuge in the local coffee shop. She immediately wishes she had ducked into the sweets shop instead, because the smell of warm drinks was much too alluring. She desperately needed a mug of hot cocoa before she left.

Miriam removes one of the gloves on her right hand so she can dig into her pockets for money, but as usual, she’s flat broke. She groans.

“If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t have a dollar,” she mutters into her scarf.

“You gonna order something or sit in the corner and read Homestuck?” The fish-lipped owner asks, tired over the witch hovering over him at the counter.

Miriam’s nostrils flare as she exits the coffee shop. Being a witch living with her aging grandmother in a remote forest had its obvious downsides. If only being one of the saviors of the world actually paid. Instead, if she wants money, she’d actually have to get a job? Disgusting. Insulting.

Cursing society and capitalism both, she heads up to meet Emot.

When the bard comes into view, Miriam sees that he’s hard at work putting the finishing touches on a snowman. A rather elaborate one, in fact. The snowman has arms, legs, a torso, a properly shaped head, the works. One could mistake it for a real person.  
Miriam whistles at the craftsmanship, which alerts Emot to her presence.

“Hi Miriam!” he shouts, waving enthusiastically at her. “How do you like my snowman?”

“It’s…amazing, actually,” Miriam admits, pulling down her scarf so she can talk properly. “You could probably make a lot of money as a sculptor if you really wanted to.”

“Ha ha, yeah.” That was the end of that train of thought, I guess. “Why are you so bundled up, Miriam? Is it really that cold out?”

“Winter and I don’t mix. I’m surprised you’re even getting by with just a scarf and some earmuffs.” Wait…Did he even have ears? Best not to ask. “I wanted some cocoa before I came here, but I’m fresh out of money. By which I mean I’ve never had any.”

“Yeah, I’m broke too. We both have really cool jobs that don’t pay much at all. But that makes them special, right?”

Normally Emot’s positive spins are endearing, but not so much at freezing temperatures.

“You gotta have some method for getting money,” Miriam says.

“Of course! I put on a - ” and Emot raises his arm while belting out his next word “ – per-for-maaaaance~!”

“Oh yeah, did you ever get paid for singing at the Crazy Raven?”

“Noooo~!”

“Oh…Well, do you ever sing on the streets for money?”

“Sure! But everyone in Delphi already knows who I am, so it’d be weird to put on a street performance here. It’d be like begging my friends for money.”

Sucks that her friend bothers with such a stupid moral conundrum, Miriam thinks.

“It’s not stupid!” Emot protests.

Oh, right, she actually said it out loud because she has no filter.

“I see your point, though,” Miriam says. “Nobody in Delphi is going to fork over some coin when they already know your tricks.”

Emot nods and places a gloved hand on his snowman’s shoulder. “Maybe if this snowman could sing, he could make enough for ten cocoas!”

The bard laughs at the very thought, but his words create a spark in Miriam’s eyes. 

Ever since she returned from Chaandesh, Miriam decided she should learn more about witchcraft past riding a broomstick and shooting fireballs at giant monsters. When her adventure with Emot was over, she stuck her pointy nose in whatever old tomes Saphy had collecting dust and cobwebs on her shelf. A lot of the terminology went over her head, but there was one spell in a black tome that she understood perfectly: animating inanimate objects.

Without speaking a word to Emot, Miriam begins taking off her extra winter gear and begins putting them on the snowman, careful not to damage it in any way.

Emot’s brows knit as Miriam does all of this. “Um…thanks for keeping him warm?”

“Listen closely, Emot. We’re bringing this snowman to life.”

“You can do that?!”

“It’s alarmingly simple, actually. You only need three things. First is the incantation, which I learned a few days ago. The second is an object that’s come into contact with a witch – in this case, my clothes. The third is…”

“Is it a magical song?” Emot asks with a cheery grin, already prepping his vocal chords.

“Blood.”

Emot stopped smiling.

“Saliva works too,” Miriam says. “We just need DNA.”  
“Wha…?”

“Yeah, this is total dark magic. Taboos out the wazoo on this one. But hey, you and I are old pros at bending the laws of nature, right?” 

“You want to use dark magic for one cup of hot cocoa?”

Miriam scoffs at the very idea. “I’m getting you one too!” 

Taking off the gloves on her right hand, Miriam puts her index finger in her mouth and bites into it until the tip starts bleeding. Emot cringes at the sight, his skin growing pale. Miriam wipes some of her blood on the snowman before putting her glove back on.

“Alright, so we actually need DNA from two different parties. I know you’re not metal enough to make yourself bleed, so make with the spit.”

Emot furiously shakes his head. “No, no, no! I thought this was going to be cute, like the song!”

“It will be, trust me! Just because it’s ‘dark magic’ doesn’t mean it’s inherently bad. We’re just making a new friend. You know I’d never put you in harm’s way, right?”

Emot turns to the snowman, regretting ever creating the poor thing in the first place. Although he fears the outcome, he places his trust in Miriam. He removes his glove, spits into his palm and places it on the snowman’s face. With all the necessary steps complete, Miriam locks her hands together like she were in prayer and begins speaking in an ancient tongue. As she speaks, the snowman begins to glow a faint yellow. The light grows brighter and brighter as she continues, until eventually the energy bursts from the snowman, knocking the bard and the witch into the snow.

Miriam picks her head up off the snow, rubbing her aching head. “Did it work…?”

Emot, who faceplanted into the snow, looks up and stares slack-jawed at the snowman, who was looking down at his hands with curiosity. Realizing he was blessed with the miracle of life, he smiles brightly. He looks to Emot, then to Miriam, and then – to the surprise of both parties - he begins to sing. 

“Oh…my…GOODNESS!” Emot leaps to his feet and circles around the snowman like a puppy around its owner. The snowman continues to sing all the while. “Look at him, Miriam! He’s so jolly, and he can sing!”

“Yeah, that part’s…unexpected,” Miriam said, brushing snow off her coat. “It shouldn’t even be able to talk.”

“Hmm…Maybe it learned how to sing from me! He does have my DNA, after all!”

“Sure gives ‘singing is in your blood’ a whole new meaning if that’s the case. I was just gonna have it dance around in front of town, but this is even better! A singing snowman’ll make us bank.”

Money was the last thing on Emot’s mind. He put an arm around his new snow buddy, who reciprocated the act. “I’m gonna call you Snowball. Come on, let’s introduce you to Delphi!”

Emot and Snowball march down the hill to Delphi, smiling and singing the whole way down. It was very cute, in a satanic and unholy kind of way.

\------------

Naturally, a singing snowman in Delphi got everyone’s attentions. Manny was absolutely desperate to recruit Snowball to his band, but unfortunately the snowman could not talk or consent to such a business arrangement. Miriam gave the snowman her other beanie to collect money with. Whenever the money flow stopped, Snowball would stop singing and shake the beanie until someone threw him a dollar. Just like Miriam taught him - she was so proud.

Once the sun starts to set and once the show is over, Emot, Miriam and Snowball gather in front of the coffee shop and look at all the money they had earned.

“Wow, people love you Snowball!” Emot says. “I’ve never made that much money before!”

“Good work, Snowball,” Miriam adds. “Let’s count it all up.”

Miriam reaches for her beanie, but Snowball immediately pulls away from her. She and Emot stare at him wide-eyed, and before either of them could question his motives Snowball kicks Miriam to the ground and runs up to the hill where he was conceived.  
When what just happened finally registers, Miriam starts seeing red.

“YOU UNGRATEFUL ICE CUBE! I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND I CAN TAKE YOU BACK OUT!”

“Miriam, are you okay?” Emot asks.

“Just PEACHY.” Miriam gets off the ground, snow in places it were never meant to go. “What even happened? He was so friendly.”

“I don’t know…Maybe he inherited singing from me and avarice from you?”

Miriam doesn’t appreciate that Emot said that with a smile. “Rude. I’m not avaricious.”

“But…you used forbidden magic just for a couple of dollars.”

“Okay, MAYBE? Still rude, though. Come on, we have a snowman to catch.”

The two run up the hill, hopeful that Snowball didn’t leave Delphi to cause mischief elsewhere. Thankfully, he’s sitting in the same spot he had been made, counting up all the money he earned from singing. This was about as clear a shot as Miriam was going to get. She begins charging up a fireball in front of her, and…

“Stop!” Emot begs, jumping in front of her. “He’s our son!”

Miriam looked unamused, dispelling the fireball by waving it away like it were a puff of smoke. “First off, no he’s not. Second, if he’s going to be violent, we can’t risk him just running off like that. I was wrong, okay? We shouldn’t have made him, so let me-”

“No, you were right all along! Dark magic doesn’t have to be evil! There’s good in Snowball, I know it! So please…”

Emot’s lip starts quivering as he’s practically on the verge of crying. Miriam sighs, knowing there’s no talking Emot into hurting any living thing.

“Fine,” she says. “Go on, be a dad.”

Emot nods determinately and walks up to Snowball. When the snowman notices Emot, he cowers and clutches the beanie tightly.

“Don’t be afraid, Snowball!” Emot says. “Your mother and I are just worried about you.”

“Stop talking like we’re married!” 

“We just want to know why you acted up.”

Snowball stares at his “father” and then back at the beanie full of money. He holds the money close to his chest while scowling at Emot, as if to insinuate “this is mine.” Emot understood all at once.

“You worked hard for that money, Snowball! You can do whatever you want with it. Don’t worry, Miriam will understand.”

The snowman smiles, like that was exactly what he wanted to hear. Emot opened his arms and invited Snowball to share a father-son hug. 

The two were about to embrace when a blue fireball collided with Snowball. The snowman only knew how to sing its whole life, but in its last moments it learned to scream. Emot could only look on in horror as his creation slowly burned alive, a look of betrayable written all over his melting features. When Snowball becomes nothing more than a puddle and the charred remains of Miriam’s clothes, Emot looks back at Miriam, stunned and with tears streaming down his face.

“Wasn’t me!” Miriam insists, waving her arms in front of her.

“Are you dears alright?”

From the other side of the hill emerges Saphy, who is plodding toward the two. Miriam feels a chill run down her spine, like she’s coming face-to-face with death. 

“G-Grandma! Why’re you in Delphi?”

“I felt a powerful dark magic coming from this area, and I come here to find a moving snowman,” she explains. Her sweet-old-lady smile disappears. “You wouldn’t happen to be dabbling in that mess, would you, Miriam?”

Miriam sees her life flash before her eyes. “Who, me? Dark magic? DABBING? I would never!” 

She laughs until Saphy finally stops staring at her like she’s about to erase her entire existence, which takes a surprisingly long time. Meanwhile, Emot is genuflecting and staring at the snow, his tears filling the puddle that was once Snowball.

Saphy smiles once more. “Well, it seems you’re both safe. Thank goodness! Why don’t we all get some hot chocolate at the local café? It’s my treat.”

“O-Oh, sure. Sounds…sounds good.”

Saphy starts heading toward Delphi. Once she’s far enough ahead, Miriam walks up to a broken Emot and notices the beanie dropped in the puddle. It’s soggy, obviously, but none of the money seemed to be charred from Saphy’s fireball.

Miriam places a hand on Emot’s shoulder. “On the bright side, this was a valuable lesson.”

Emot sniffed. “It was?”

“Yeah, we get to keep all our money! Pretty valuable, right?”


End file.
